The BIG day :)

On Monday I thought I had 2 weeks until our little guy's arrival. I was wrong. On Wednesday morning at exactly 5:37am the Lord woke me up. I know that may sound strange but I had just been up to the bathroom a couple of hours before when my son woke up. All was peaceful and I didn't have to pee but all of a sudden I was awake. I scratched my leg and realized that I was bleeding. Before any panic could set in that baby Larson wasn't ok he gave me a good swift kick. I calmly woke Rob up and told him we had to go to the hospital because I was bleeding and he jumped out of bed and went into husband mode. I called my sister immediately to come over and be with the kids who were still sound asleep. She was there in about 3 minutes. I paged my midwife an urgent page to advise her I was going to the hospital for bleeding and once I was done with my calls I shifted to get out of bed and without getting into graphic details, let's just say there was a lot more blood. I put on some pajama pants and a sweater and out to the car we went. I called the hospital on the way to let them know what was going on and then Rob proceeded to drive us to the hospital faster than I've ever been driven there with the 4 ways on. Mercifully we weren't pulled over but Rob had no intention of pulling over regardless. ;)

When I got to the hospital I was immediately brought to a back room (ironically the same one I was brought to when I came in for my emergency with Micah) and low and behold the same doctor was there! :) My midwife had already told them what was going on because she was actually already at the hospital having been there all night. The surgeon on call, Dr. Aubin is an absolutely wonderful doctor who has performed most of my sister's c-sections and she performed my c-section with Micah. She is such a sweet lady and has a great poker face. I watched her as she looked over my chart and realized that this was not just a small issue. I watched her calmly take in that I had complete placenta previa and placenta percreta and that the placenta had grown through my uterine wall and I would need a hysterectomy in order to save me from bleeding to death. Worst case scenario was supposed to be March 3rd delivery date with the team in place who knew everything that was going on - well before any chance I could go into labor. Clearly, that's not what was happening. She had been on all night and was getting ready to go home and the surgeon that was scheduled to do my surgery on the 3rd was out of town. The doctor on call was, how do I say this without getting anyone in trouble, not an expert with this kind of surgery. Neither was the back up. And my bleeding wasn't stopping. She smiled at me, patted my leg and left the room. For the next 2 hours Dr. Aubin worked on tracking down a surgeon that she felt was qualified to do it as my midwife tagged along to help her. She wasn't leaving until she had found a suitable surgeon or she was going to do it herself. How amazing is that? They gave me the steroid injection to help baby's lungs but it takes 48 hours for it to really be effective. I was hoping the bleeding would stop and we'd have time for it but I was out of time. They found an excellent surgeon - Dr. Baker - who was a very no nonsense guy and clearly had a lot of experience.

If you read one of my last blog posts about the big meeting they had about me I mentioned that they weren't sure about a spinal for me because of my BMI and my incredible midwife Jackie pulled up my facebook page to show the anesthesiologist what I looked like and he said it should be fine but that it would be up to the anesthesiologist who was there on the 3rd which wouldn't be him. Well guess who the anesthesiologist on call was on Wednesday morning? You got it! I don't know his last name but his first name is George and he was just wonderful. So peaceful, calming, and encouraging and he already knew the entire plan because he sat in on that meeting. They decided at 8am that they would be proceeding with the surgery within a half hour because the bleeding wasn't stopping. They didn't do any ultrasounds, internal checks or anything but it was clear that it had to happen then. The anesthesiologist knew that I wanted to be awake for the c-section but told me that it depended on how bad the bleeding was when I got into the operating room. He said if it was anything more than a drop or two (which it was by far exceeding that) then I'd have to be put under completely. I gave Rob a kiss, we said I love you and I was wheeled away.

I was praying that by some miracle the bleeding would have stopped enough for me to get a spinal instead of a general and the Lord mercifully gave me what I asked for. The bleeding had tapered just enough for me to get the spinal so I could stay awake. George (the anesthesiologist) was incredible. He walked me through everything and commented often on how well I was doing and how relaxed I was. They listened to the baby often and every time he was so calm and relaxed with an excellent heartbeat. It was a bit chaotic in the operating room as there were many different teams there. And remember these were not the same people that were scheduled to do this surgery. Most of them had been briefed about it that morning. Each team introduced themselves and the doctor asked if anyone had any concerns before we started. No one had any and to my surprise he turned to me and asked if I had any last concerns or anything I wanted to say. I had been praying for weeks about how I could work in praying over the surgical team before we started and here was my moment. I asked if I could pray over the team and to my relief the doctor said absolutely. I'm not sure if they were expecting it to be a silent prayer but it wasn't. lol I asked the Lord to give the team direction and accuracy and I thanked Him for assembling them together and that baby and I were ok and basically just gave the surgery up to Him. My midwife said that she thinks everyone really appreciated the prayer and that it brought a sense of calm and peace over the room. Everyone just focused after that and got down to business. I looked at the IV's they had me plugged into and commented that at least it wasn't chemo this time around. Yep, that's the kind of thing I think about. I focus on what's going well instead of what's not going well. Gotta give credit to Dani Johnson for that because before I met her and went through her training all I ever focused on was what wasn't going well. If you've never heard of her you've gotta check her out (www.danijohnson.com)

I joked around with George and Jackie (midwife) held my hand the whole time even though she had literally been up all night. She did pull the resuscitation nurse aside who was there for baby and told her that if baby was ok I wanted a picture. The nurse was not impressed. "This baby is 33 weeks old, it's not the time for a photo opportunity" to which my phenomenal midwife replied "you know why she wants this picture right? In case she doesn't make it through the surgery. She wants her son to have a picture of the two of them together so he can see how happy she was to have him". What could she say to that? I got my picture ;)

and apparently had a couple of nurses tearing up because of how focused I was on my son and not myself. My sweet little angel Nathaniel (meaning God gave/gift of Yaweh), Ethan (meaning firm, strong, long lived), Alexander (meaning defender of men), Larson (meaning crowned with honor), came out crying at exactly 10:09am on February 19th, 2014 weighing 4lbs, 1oz. (Quick side note, I randomly gained 8lbs last week for no reason and though I was a little alarmed it seemed everything was ok. Now I know why I gained the weight! The Lord wasn't fattening me up, he was fattening him up!) They quickly brought him to me to get a picture and then whisked him away to the neonatal unit. Jackie went with them and grabbed Rob on the way. Now the c-section was over and I knew they were going to sew me back up and then go back in to remove the uterus with the placenta still in. I didn't want to be awake for that part. George was great at explaining what was happening without actually giving me any details and he gave me something to relax me and I asked him if I could fall asleep and he patted my head and told me to go right ahead. I never got the general! I just fell asleep on my own with the relaxant and narcotic he gave me. Jackie came back in to see how things were going so she could update Rob and all was calm aside from my very loud snoring. ;) Apparently it was so loud the surgeons were getting irritated because I was making things vibrate. My bad! Jackie and George chatted together over my snoring since I clearly couldn't hear them and George commented on how calm I was and relaxed and how much easier the surgery was because of that. Jackie told him it was because of my faith and he said he could clearly see that. What an awesome testimony of God's goodness. He's the only reason I was calm and relaxed. It was His peace which surpasses all understanding. If you think about it I really should have been freaking out. I was bleeding, the team that was supposed to do the surgery wasn't really there, it was too early, etc. But God worked all the details out. He had me wake up and get to the hospital before the night shift was done so that the day shift could come in refreshed and ready. He brought the right people in to do the surgery. He had both me and baby completely calm and relaxed. Truly a miracle. The surgeon that performed the surgery told Rob and I later that the placenta had indeed gone through the uterine wall and that it was being held together by the peritoneum which is paper thin. Had I not gone to the hospital when I did (because the Lord woke me up to the bleeding) the placenta would have ruptured and been a catastrophic situation. Whoa. 

I was out of surgery around 11:30am and remember waking up still in the operating room as they were cleaning me up. I was to be in a special recovery room for 24 hours because I lost 3 & 1/2 liters of blood (normal c-section loss is up to 1L so this was quite a bit more). I got 3 units of blood transfused so they wanted to watch me closely. I was doing so well after the surgery that they said I could go up to the postnatal floor at 6am the next morning. The recovery room was interesting to say the least. It reminded me of war times to be honest. Beds right beside each other without even a curtain up.The injured lying around moaning in pain, some throwing up. For some reason though I got a special isolation room within the recovery with actual walls and curtains that went all around! Thank you Jesus! Rob and my sister Tara were able to come and visit me and show me pictures of Nate. He was having a little trouble steadying his breathing so they were helping him with that but everything else was going well.

He's even off that machine now too! They said if he is doing well and meets their checklist he can come home on March 4th because he'll be gestationally 35 weeks. Most of you know that I was really hoping to avoid having Nate on formula but that's pretty typical in the NICU. We knew he'd be going there so we had arranged to have donor milk available which the hospital staff wouldn't touch but would grudgingly allow us to use if we did every feed. This became a bit of an issue after he was born because his nurse was arguing with Rob and Jackie about it. Jackie to the rescue once again! The nurse said that he was too young to be bottle fed and that it wasn't possible to use the donor milk we had brought so Jackie asked if he could be approved for the special milk bank pasteurized donor milk which the hospital would have no problem using.

The nurse didn't know if he'd qualify for it but applied anyway and in the meantime they had him on an IV because of his breathing so he wasn't going to be fed any milk the first night anyway - Rob was able to go home and sleep. The next day Nathan was approved!! What a relief! So now he's getting 3mL of donated breast milk as well as any colostrum I pump (which is increasing all the time) every 3 hours. Had he been born on the 3rd as was planned he wouldn't have qualified for it. God knew. ;)

My recovery has been mind blowing. I was up and walking yesterday, my pain level is still low today and I walked down to the NICU to get my second snuggle in with Nate

- something I didn't do the entire time I was in the hospital with Micah because I just physically couldn't. Rob had to wheel me down every time. I am so incredibly grateful to God and everyone who was praying for us. This could have turned out very differently.

Let me touch on that for a moment.

The reason I had so much peace throughout this was not because I knew that God was going to show up and show off in this hugely powerful and miraculous way. It's because I trusted Him with whatever outcome He decided. That may make some of you uncomfortable but let's be honest. Jesus doesn't owe me a thing. Not a single thing. He already DIED for me. I see something often when people are going through some kind of trial, tragedy or test. They often will say something like "Don't fail me now God." or "I

know you're going to come through for me". Would He have failed me if I didn't make it through the surgery? No. Of course I'm thrilled we both made it and seem to be doing fine but He didn't owe me that outcome. I am grateful for His mercy and grace but had He chosen a more painful path would that have changed who He is? Would that have changed how amazing and incredible a father He is? Not at all. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I didn't ask for cancer two years ago but I also didn't blame Him for it. He walked me through that beautifully but it was only because I chose to trust Him with the outcome and let Him walk me through it. Not with the outcome that *I* wanted, but the one that He had chosen. It's not easy to lay your life in someone else's hands but who better to trust with it than the very one who knitted you together in your mother's womb before you were even born? We're going to go through trials in our lives because we live on planet earth. I am immensely grateful to be able to walk through these firestorms in the protection of my God. So many doctors and nurses have commented on what a rough two years I've had. I don't feel that way at all. I consider myself blessed to have been chosen to walk through these things and had the opportunity to praise my father in heaven while doing it. Isn't that what James meant in the bible?

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 

I'll be honest, I used to think that verse was nuts. Who would consider it pure joy to go through trials of many kinds? I know now what he meant. Depending on how you choose to go through the trials determines how mature you'll come out of them and how deep your faith will grow. If you choose to whine and complain about them the entire time (which I definitely used to) then you're missing the opportunity to grow and strengthen and persevere. You're missing the opportunity to inspire others. Wouldn't you rather inspire others than be just like everyone else complaining? I know I do and I thank God that He has shown me how. I trust Him with my life (obviously) and I have never regretted that decision. I pray that you get to trust Him that way too, there really is no peace like the peace that comes from truly knowing you are completely safe in His arms.

For now I am so happy to be here to be able to type this out knowing that my little guy is safe and sound in the NICU and that it's lasagna day at the hospital. :) I will likely be leaving tomorrow or Sunday (Rob's birthday) and Nate will stay until at least the 4th. I pray he's able to come home that day and that I have plenty of milk for him (it's never been an issue so I'm not worried). He was having a little bit of an issue with spitting up a bit of milk but he tolerated his last feed perfectly (he was in my arms for it). So please be praying that it doesn't become an issue for him and that he stays very healthy. 

Thank you for being on this journey with us so far, I will continue to update this blog so feel free to come back to it!

His & yours, 

Meggan :)

Watch Nathan with the link below :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBZpXghC5CI&feature=youtube_gdata_player