Friday 31 January 2014

The latest!

For those of you following this blog, thank you!! It really means a lot to know that someone is actually reading these ;)

Today was a busy day and a good day. If you read my last entry you know that I was meeting a lot of different people at the hospital today. It was really great to get all of my questions answered and some surprising reassurance. Originally I had been told that I would absolutely be having the surgery in the main operating room which meant that my husband would not be able to be there for the birth of our little guy. They are now leaning towards having my surgery in the regular obstetrics operating room since the urologist is not necessarily needed. The main difference between the two rooms is simply the space and some different tools in the main OR. It's nice that they're strongly leaning towards the other OR simply because it means that Rob would be allowed to be in the room with me when baby comes. Either way the surgeon did confirm that my incredible midwife can be with me in either OR which is awesome because I'll have a friendly and familiar face with me. I knew God would work that out! :) I'll also get to have a little time with my baby before they do the hysterectomy which made me really happy as well.

They are planning to do an MRI to see if they can get a better picture of the placenta and bladder and whether or not the placenta has adhered to my bladder or not. The results of that will determine what kind of anesthetic I get. It sounds like they are hoping to keep me awake for the entire surgery (bleh lol) but the reasons they would give me a general is if the placenta has adhered to the bladder which would result in a significant to "catastrophic" amount of blood loss (not my words lol), or if the surgery is lasting too long and the spinal epidural will run out (no thanks!!).So please be praying with us that the placenta has not and will not adhere to my bladder - or any organ for that matter!

We also met with the neonatal doctor today and he told us that baby Larson would absolutely have to be in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) for at least 24 hours if not several days because he'll be under 35 weeks old. This is true but he'll be 34 weeks and 6 days. You literally can't get any closer to 35 weeks! I debated fighting to push the surgery to later but my midwife took the time to explain that our due dates are usually accurate within 5 days. Meaning that baby could actually only be 34 & 1 which is a big difference. They'll be monitoring his ability to regulate body temperature, breathe on his own, testing his blood sugar levels, etc. He'll be monitored a lot more closely than if he were just in my room. I was so grateful that she took the time to explain all that to me because it left me feeling much better about his need to be there instead of thinking the hospital was just holding their ground over a technicality. The good news is that the doctor assured us we could give our baby donated milk as long as we were the ones to feed it to baby. They literally won't touch it but they will let us use their fridge and bottles which is great. I'm hoping to be able to be wheeled down to the NICU as soon as possible to nurse him so please be praying that I'll be able to sit up in bed asap (that's the unofficial requirement of being put in a wheelchair after that surgery).

I asked if this type of surgery has a high success rate and while the surgeon said yes, she also warned me that it has a high risk of severe complications as well. They've all been noticeably impressed with my positive attitude and happy go lucky nature and I can only attribute that to my relationship with Jesus. I mean really, what else could it be? They've told me multiple ways that I might die during the surgery, they've told me that I'll feel like I got hit by a mack truck afterwards, they've told me that I won't be able to be with my baby for at least the first 24 hours up to several days or beyond...none of this is good news. Yet I really do feel genuine peace and joy that I get to point to the goodness of my daddy in Heaven yet again. Every major challenge I face is just another opportunity to tell the world how awesome my God is. Did He cause these circumstances? Nope. Is He letting me walk through them? Yes He is, but not on my own. He's carrying me through the storm and there is just no peace like the peace that comes when you ask Him to take your fear from you. If you don't know Him already I urge you to give Him a chance. He is absolutely worth knowing and He cares about you more than you could ever imagine. If you don't know how I'd be happy to help you out. :)

There's just over 4 weeks left until the big day so the count down is on! I'm looking forward to seeing my baby and watching God work out all the details. We all have to face crappy circumstances in life but it's up to us to decide how we're going to deal with those circumstances. I choose joy and I can only do that with the help of Jesus.

His & Yours,
Meggan :)

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

Thursday 30 January 2014

On we go

I have a long day at the hospital tomorrow. I have my regular ultrasound appointment, then I'm meeting with the high risk doctor, the anesthesiologists, the neo natal doctor (who was our son's doctor 2 years ago), and the surgeon who will be doing my c-section and hysterectomy. I have a list of questions for each of them which is very unlike me (disorganized by nature) but I'm happy to have it.

I met with the urologist on Monday (Dr. Roberts) and he was an extremely kind and incredible doctor with phenomenal people skills. What a difference a smile and a kind word makes to a patient facing a lot of unknowns. He looked inside of my bladder (which FYI is a really weird experience to see the inside of your bladder on camera) and praise the Lord the placenta has NOT grown into my bladder. It still appears to have grown through the uterine wall but at least he won't be needing to do surgery on the inside of my bladder as well. Although he did assure me that he will be at the hospital that day and just down the hall in case they do need him to perform any kind of surgery or fixes to my bladder.

My heart is really full of gratitude because the Lord has surrounded me with incredibly kind doctors and hospital staff. I even met a medical student 2 weeks ago during my regular appointment and she happened to be doing her rotation in urology on Monday and it was like seeing an old friend!

This is a big deal because both of my birthing experiences have been terrible at this hospital. With my daughter I received no help with nursing and instead was advised to supplement her with formula and they informed me that they'd be waking her up every two hours to feed. What ever happened to the saying "never wake a sleeping baby"?? With my son it was even worse since I had an emergency c-section and they didn't know what was wrong with me. I had gone in because I had a high fever and was in excruciating pain that had started on my left side. The doctor took one look at me, saw that Micah's heart rate was over 200 and they took him out. After a couple of days in the hospital the pain came back but they couldn't see anything on ultrasound so it seemed as though they thought I was faking it to stay in the hospital longer with Micah who was in the NICU. The staff was just plain mean to me. Fast forward 3 months and we realized the pain was due to a tumor in my spleen that no one could see yet. All that to say I had my hesitations about receiving care at this particular hospital due to my previous experiences. I'm very happy to report that everyone has been extremely kind and full of grace. I've made arrangements for my babies to stay with my parents for the first few days while I'm still in the hospital though so that Rob can be with me - just in case. ;)

These days I spend my time resting as much as is possible with two toddlers and the inability to lift anything. I do my best to stay on top of laundry and dishes while Rob is at work but I do tire easily and find if I do too much I get crampy for several hours which is probably not a good thing. Baby is moving all of the time and surprised his big sister with a few good kicks to her hand this morning. She giggled and kissed my belly. :)

I will be speaking to the neo-natal doctor tomorrow about giving my baby breast milk instead of formula while I am still in surgery and immediately afterwards when I'm sleeping. While I am prepared to argue this to the top of the hospital if I need to I'd really much rather they agree and allow me to feed our baby donated milk instead of formula. We had Micah on donated breast milk for 9 months of his life and it was such a blessing to me. If you could keep this in your prayers that would be really appreciated. When Micah was in the NICU they gave him formula and it really messed up his gut. I basically didn't sleep for the next 3 months because he was extremely fussy and nursed every hour to hour and a half. Rob had to rock him in a baby carrier for hours on end to get him to sleep. It's not the only reason I want this little guy to avoid formula but it's one of the top ones. As parents we need to make the best and most informed decisions we can for our little ones and be prepared to fight for their (and our) rights.

So that's the latest! I actually look forward to hospital visits because it's the only real time Rob and I have to spend on our own. It's like a mini date. :) I really am so grateful that I learned how to focus on what's going well instead of focusing on what's not going well. What a difference it makes!

Things that are going well this week:

* I get a 6 hour date with the love of my life tomorrow.
* Had some preemie outfits dropped off so that I have something for baby to come home in.
* My incredible sister is organizing food and meals for us for when baby comes which is such a blessing.
* I think I'm finally over this 5 week cold for the most part! Yay!

I am overwhelmed with gratitude by the love and support you've all shown me. I really am connected to the best people on the planet. If you're reading this, that includes you!

His & Yours,
Meggan :)

Saturday 25 January 2014

Introduction

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Meggan, I'm 31 years old, I have been married to the love of my life for 6 years, and together we have two beautiful children and another one on the way! My daughter is three and a half and my son is just over two. Just under two years ago when my daughter was 19 months old and my son was 3 months old I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer called choriocarcinoma. It's a cancer that mimics a pregnancy. The HCG hormones literally duplicates cancer cells at the rate of a pregnancy and carries it through the body. When I was diagnosed I had tumors in my lung, spleen, and uterus. That is really a story for another time but I have since been completely healed thanks to Jesus and He really was my rock through it all. I've often been told that I am one of the happiest people to have ever gone through cancer. ;)

So why am I writing this? This pregnancy has not exactly gone as planned. I think it's miraculous that I was even able to get pregnant after going through chemotherapy for five months, not to mention the fact that the cancer started in my uterus possibly due to some placenta left behind during my c-section with my son. I had to wait a year after chemo before it was safe to conceive and as soon as the doctors gave us the clear I was pregnant the very next month.We were so excited until I started bleeding between 5 & 6 weeks pregnant. I was devastated and so scared that I was having a miscarriage. Either that or the cancer was back because a positive pregnancy test and bleeding is how I was diagnosed the first time. I cried a lot that night because I desperately wanted my baby to be ok and went to the hospital the next day to see what was happening. The good news was that there was definitely a baby and it wasn't cancer. The bad news (or really less good news because it wasn't technically bad) was that I had what's called a subchorionic hematoma. That's a fancy way of saying I had a blood clot growing between the membranes of my placenta and uterus. There was nothing the doctors could do about it and it did increase my risk of miscarriage, however, I was thrilled that I wasn't having a miscarriage. I bled off and on for a few more weeks but baby continued to grow strong thanks to The Lord and the many praying friends and family surrounding us. The bleeding eventually stopped and the hematoma was no longer a threat to baby Larson. Yay! Or so we thought...

The ultrasounds revealed that I had a low lying placenta which is normal for me - it's happened with all three of my pregnancies. This time however, it looked like my placenta was growing too deeply into my uterus which is called placenta accreta. Once the accreta was confirmed I was transferred to the high risk unit and have been having bi-weekly ultrasounds to monitor where the placenta is growing. I have placenta previa which means the placenta is directly over the cervix and isn't moving. That also means a guaranteed c-section. As they've monitored the progression of the placenta accreta they've seen that it appears to have grown through the uterine wall right onto my bladder which is the rarest of the "cretas" and is called placenta percreta. Obviously that's not good. The major risks involved are that the baby can come too soon (which praise the Lord doesn't seem to be a risk factor at this point based on how he's doing) and that I can start to hemorrhage during the surgery and essentially bleed to death if it gets out of control. In order to "reduce my mortality rate" (doctors words not mine lol) they are going to do a hysterectomy immediately after delivering baby Larson which is set to happen on March 3rd (due date is April 8th but they're taking him out early). 

The doctors have been honest enough to say that they have not come across many cases like this. They are having a big meeting in February to discuss my case with literally every team you can imagine - anesthesiology, urology, neo-natal, the surgeons etc. It's kind of a big deal. To me it's a bit deja vu because when I was going through the choriocarcinoma it was so rare and my levels were the highest they'd ever seen in my city that it seemed like everyone knew who I was. I'd have teams of medical students come in while the doctor explained that "this is the patient with choriocarcinoma" and they'd all look so fascinated. A dear friend of mine who recently graduated from medical school told me that it was the "cool cancer" and that most doctors/med students would only ever learn about it in text books and never actually meet someone with it. While everyone likes to feel special and important, I think my husband would rather I get my claim to fame through other means than being medically rare. ;)

I am really grateful for my relationship with Jesus through this situation. He gives me the peace I need to face a trial of this magnitude. I'm not worried about my own life so much - I know without a doubt where I'm going when I die. It's more intense this time around because there's a precious little baby who is also going to be affected by what happens. My son Micah spent the first 9 days of his life in the NICU and those were the longest 9 days of my life. There is no pain like leaving your little newborn in the arms of strangers while he screams and cries and you've gotta get back to your other child. The doctors have told me that as long as he's healthy baby Larson can come home with us even at 35 weeks which we're super grateful for. It's times like this you've gotta focus on what's going well or you'll be overtaken by what's not going well. (I learned that from my incredible coach Dani Johnson).

So this is what's going well:

* Baby is totally healthy and in the 60th percentile for growth (apparently this is really good).
* Other than what's going on internally I feel perfectly fine.
* We have an excellent team of doctors that are doing their best to ensure we're both ok.
* Even though my midwife has the month of March off she's still going to come to the hospital to support Rob & I through the surgery - how awesome is she?! If you need a midwife in Ottawa you need Jackie Whitehead. :)
* Since I know this will be my last pregnancy I have time to make sure I enjoy every kick and punch and watching my precious daughter hug my belly and ask when she can kiss her baby brother.

It's kind of surreal awaiting a surgery I may or may not wake up from but whatever happens nothing changes the fact that my God is good and perfect and worth getting to know. Whether you know Him or not we're all going to face trials. I just know that I'd much rather face them with a mighty and peaceful God at my side giving me the peace and reassurance that everything is truly going to be ok, instead of facing it on my own. Having friends and family around you is so helpful and important but for the times alone in the dark and quiet of the night, there's nothing like the feeling of wings wrapped protectively around you and the whispers that I am His and He has not forsaken me.

His & Yours,
Meggan :)